A brief innings

I put it to you, m'Lud, that no other sport is as pleasing to the eye as cricket. And in particular, the art of batting, and within that art, the technique we used to call the straight bat (meaning, of course, the vertical bat) effected, in the case of a right-handed batsman, by raising high the left elbow while stepping into the line of the ball. As youngsters, we were told to practise our strokes in front of a mirror. I did. Back defensive: Right foot, step back, across and in front of the stumps. Then left leg close the gap, feet together. High left elbow, bat vertical, in front of the body. I had it off to a T.

One Sunday, Ayr (my team) was playing an early season friendly match against Clydesdale who had a new professional. Each club was allowed one professional player. Mr Rock, from Jamaica, was over six feet tall and a fast bowler. When it came my turn to face him, I knew just what to do. I'd been practising all winter at the mirror. His first ball flew past me at chest height before I'd even moved my feet. But I was ready for his second. Right foot back, left together, high left elbow, straight bat - perfect. The ball struck the face of the bat squarely and dropped like a stone at my feet. Unfortunately, mirror practice does nothing to strengthen the wrists, so the bat flew backwards on impact, catching me a fierce blow in the goolies which ended my brief innings. Style, 10. Effectiveness, 0.

Ex-pat Plonk

Ex-pat plonk is any alcoholic beverage made by a member of the ex-pat community while living and working abroad. Some of it is pleasant enough but most of it is more or less foul. Some is even toxic. There are reasons enough for this sad situation but no valid excuses, because it is easy to make wholesome, palatable drinks that no-one need be ashamed to serve, using readily available supermarket ingredients.

I lived in the Middle East from 2002 to 2018 during which time I evolved many methods and recipes suited to the conditions and restrictions of the region. When back in UK and effectively grounded by the corona-virus pandemic, I decided to devote a blog to the topic as a 'one stop shop' for the ex-pat plonk community and anyone else who fancies giving it a go.

In fact, I already have several web articles 'out there', most notably on HubPages, where over the years I have fielded thousands of questions from aspiring wine and cider makers, most of whom, it must be said, have got into difficulties only through not following my simple directions. Fortunately, I am extremely patient. . .

At last - The Paraplexed Crossword

 The Basic Crossword

Across 1. The newish name for Twitter (1)

Down   1. The third-last letter of the English alphabet (1)

The Intermediate Crossword

Across 1. The newish name for Twitter, repeated once (1,1)

             3. The number 20, as written by Marcus Junius Brutus (2)

Down   1. A possible shorthand for one's previous partner but one (1,1)

             2. Substitute signatures for two illiterate individuals (1,1)

The Advanced Crossword

Across 1. A winning row in noughts & crosses (1,1,1)

             4. A traditional descriptor for a premium strength ale (3)

             5. The number of days in September, as written by Caius Cassius (3)

Down   1. The newish name for Twitter, repeated twice (1,1,1)

             2. A winning column in noughts & crosses (1,1,1)

             3. An amorous appendage to a signature in a love letter (1,1,1)

The House of the Living Doll

The House of the Living Doll is a fusion of two well-known songs. Guess which ones!